Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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