You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
