I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
