Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
