I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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