dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
