I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
