Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
