Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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