Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my being single is dangerous.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
