he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
