you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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