im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
