Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
