As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
