She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
