There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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