drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is the prime rib incident all over again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
