you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
