see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
