I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
my liver is dry heaving
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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