Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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