Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
