Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
