I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
