I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
