if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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