This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
