I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
