I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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