is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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