a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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