see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
