i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
