and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
These tits shall not be calmed
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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