I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
