I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize