thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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