Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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