sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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