Welp...herpes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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