New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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