I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
