Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
