They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
