Where is the hickey?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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