you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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