i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
