So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize