so explain again why im purple
no
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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