Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
