I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i out mim tonsoeep
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