YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
