Acid is not a monday night drug
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
