Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize