I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
