i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
