Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
