Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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