i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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