dude i'm inner monologue high
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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