It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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