and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize