Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
