Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
