eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize