does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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