no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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