What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize