I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
