shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
