So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
