There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
