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I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
