Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
