Cold hands, warm shart.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
