She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
