i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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