I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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