last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
