she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize