That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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