At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
