I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
