My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
