I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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