I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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